I'm fascinated with the metaphorical properties of the electromagnetic spectrum. The boundaries of human perception are synonymous with the boundaries of knowledge, of consciousness itself, the spaces where order cedes to ultimate chaos. A chaos so deep and all-consuming, you can't grasp a hold on any part of it.
In a rainbow we see the full gamut of the visible light spectrum. The colors are beautiful, but I find myself most interested in the edges, the points where light twists into nothingness. Where comprehension is lost.
Do you know the story of Terry Davis? Terry was a genius programmer. He wrote his own programming language, his own compiler, his own kernel, and his own operating system - feats of complexity and dedication that are unimaginable to the average person. Terry also suffered from schizophrenic episodes that progressively worsened throughout his life, believing that God had revealed Himself to him and instructed him to build these things.
Terry would stream videos of himself live, and during his lifetime he amassed a cult following on the internet. He would oscillate between incoherent, rage-filled rants laced with expletives and slurs to tranquil pronouncements on the human condition. One such moment always stuck with me.
“What’s reality? I don’t know. When my bird was looking at my computer monitor I thought, ‘That bird has no idea what he’s looking at.’ And yet what does the bird do? Does he panic? No, he can’t really panic, he just does the best he can. Is he able to live in a world where he’s so ignorant? Well, he doesn’t really have a choice. The bird is okay even though he doesn’t understand the world. You’re that bird looking at the monitor, and you’re thinking to yourself, ‘I can figure this out.’ Maybe you have some bird ideas. Maybe that’s the best you can do.”
Maybe Terry was a rainbow in the dark - a flicker of color in a sea of darkness, trying to make sense of what was in the shadows. In death, he may now exist within those shadows - but who can say what exists out there? Who can know the unknowable?
I took these photos with my iPhone. I don't consider myself a gifted visual artist by any stretch of the imagination, and I take photos rarely. I saw a rainbow of refracted light on my wall, bent by a chandelier, and I thought, hey, that looks cool. Sometimes I'm quick enough to grab a moleskin journal to transform into a canvas, and other times the sun moves faster.
.jpg?v=1634763847537)
In many cultures, light is symbolically associated with truth and knowledge, and darkness with chaos and the unknown. It's an association so widespread that it may be ignrained in the deepest parts of the human subconscious. It's not exactly a daring or profound symbolic metaphor, it's an obvious one. Perception is the first step towards knowledge, even before we are capable of abstract reasoning. Maybe some great philosophers would disagree with me, but how could reason alone teach us what color is? We could understand color scientifically, as an aspect of electromagnetic radiation - but how could reason alone teach us what electromagnetic radiation is? Our reason is an attempt to make sense of our perceived experiences - beginning with the experience of experience itself.
True darkness is found when we search for it. We shine a light on every dim corner, until we find those spaces we just can't penetrate. It's a choice you could have made differently. It's an ideology you can't justify. It's a reality staring you in the face that you just can't accept. Most of us turn away from darkness so quickly we often don't even register it. But those of us who search for it find true darkness.
I don't want straightforward answers. I want mystery, I want intrigue, I want wonder. I want to squint at the edge of what is visible until my eyes hurt.